> Jack Lemmon relates this one..
I was lying 10 and had a 35 foot putt. I whispered over my shoulder: "How does this one break?"
My caddie replied "Who cares?"
>Bob Hope told this story..
My doctor told me I was overworked for a man in his 80s and need a complete rest-
and that included giving up golf. Hope decided to give up that doctor instead.
>During his physical, the doctor asked the patient about his daily activity level.
He described a typical day this way: “Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake, marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand and took four leaks behind big trees.”
Inspired by the story, the doctor said, “You must be one hell of an outdoors man!”
”NAH,” he replied, “I'm just a lousy golfer.”
>After the 18th hole, the golfer adds up his score and stops when he reaches eighty-seven. He then has a swim, a pint of rye, sings "Sweet Adeline" with six or eight other liars and calls it the end of a perfect day.
>Golfer: I've never played this poorly before.
Caddie: You've played before?
Attributed to Fred Metcalf the author of Dictionary of Modern Humorous Quotation
>One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning his
shoes. His wife was standing there watching him. After a long
period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've been thinking, now
that we are married I think it's time you quit golfing. Maybe you
should sell your golf clubs."
Jim gets this horrified look on his face
She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
”For a minute there you were sounding like my ex-wife.”
"Ex wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"
contributed by: John Sedota
> Two buddies playing golf together standing on a green putting close by there is a highway and there is a funeral procession going by the golf course. One of the guys pauses takes his hat off holds it over his heart and faces the procession,as soon as the motorcade goes by he takes his hat off and his buddy says that is one of the nicest things I have ever seen anyone do.The guy pauses and says that is the least I could do I was married to her for 52 years. contributed by: Hank Tibbetts
>Suggested Golf Rule Changes for Seniors: